watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize