just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
