You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
