Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
