Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
