he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
