We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
