he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
