You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
