just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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