Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
