My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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