I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
