Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
