Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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