He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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