Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
