Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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