even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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