Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
