bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
