girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize