Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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