I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
