At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
