Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
