she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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