I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
