and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
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Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
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The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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