i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
