I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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