Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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