is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
