My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
