he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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