whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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