I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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