Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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