I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
