Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
