i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...