i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid