How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
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I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
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in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?