Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
