a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
