I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
