you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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