she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This toilet bowl is my home.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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