walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
