a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
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No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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