He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
