just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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