just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Let's paint friendship bongs
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
