just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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