she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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