I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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