Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
