you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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