I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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